In my last post, I talked about the first stage of change – Denial – which is technically known as Precontemplation.
To help you move out of this stage you need to develop discrepancies. Developing discrepancy is when you begin to acknowledge the gaps between how you want your life to look and how your life is at the present moment.
Once you start developing discrepancies, then you’re thinking about change. And once you start thinking of change, you enter the second stage: Contemplation.
Contemplation: Thinking About Change, but Still Unsure
Let’s face it: change is hard work. For this reason, it’s not surprising that most people remain stuck in this second stage for weeks, months, years, and sometimes their entire lives.
The contemplation stage is where a person thinks about changing but fails to act on their thoughts and intentions. They acknowledge there’s something worth changing in their life, but they’re unsure if it’s going to be worth all the effort and perceived costs.
In other words, there’s a part of them that wants to change, but there’s another part of them that doesn’t.
Simply put, Contemplation is when a person is ambivalent about change.
Here are some of the things I’ve heard from people in the Contemplation stage.
- I could stop drinking, but all my friends drink, and I don’t want to lose all my friends.
- I could go exercise tomorrow, but I’ve already missed two sessions this week. Why bother?
- I want to stop eating chips, but I’ll get so restless while watching TV.
Applying this to Your Life
One of the strategies to help you move forward from this stage is to create a 2×2 matrix, with Pros and Cons written from left to right, and the behavior you want to change from top to bottom.
For example, if you want to start exercising, write out the Pros and Cons of exercising. Then, write out the Pros and Cons of NOT exercising.
Then, after identifying the pros and cons, circle the responses representing your values – the most important points to you.
You can see a video of how I use this strategy here.
Questions to Ask Yourself
Here are some other questions you can ask yourself to move forward from this stage.
- In a few years from now, how will my life change for the better, or for worse, if I make this commitment to change?
- How will my relationships be impacted if I make this change?
- What is stopping me from changing?
Some people spend a lifetime in denial. But if you’re at least thinking about change, it means you’re no longer there.
Praise yourself for at least being willing to acknowledge that something needs to change. And thinking about change is the first step toward a better life.
Richard
P.S. If you need some guidance and consultation about how to start the change process, book a session with one of our trained clinicians.