The reality is that no one, or at least no one I’ve ever met, succeeds at reaching their goals the very first time around.
Relapse is a Normal Part of Change
Whether you’re a world-class athlete, a psychologist, the CEO of a major company, or a rock star, everyone struggles and slips on their goals from time to time.
One of the reasons why I gravitate toward Prochaska and DiClimente’s Stages of Change model is because these researchers identify Relapse
As they discovered in their research with smokers, most people will try to quit an average of three to seven times before they successfully kick the habit for good.
Their findings led to an important discovery: it takes several attempts before a habit becomes a regular part of a person’s life.
Applying this to Your Life
Knowing that Relapse is a rule rather than an exception, here are a couple of things to keep in mind when you slip on your goal of change:
- There are lessons to be learned from every relapse. When you miss the mark on your goals, be reflective about what happened and why you think it happened. Being clear about the circumstances behind your relapse can help you prepare for the next time you’re in the same situation. Think about what you can do to be more successful the next time you are in a similar situation.
- Let go of guilt. One emotion that often crops up for people after a relapse is the feeling of guilt. The person feels guilty for having slipped and fallen back into their old behaviours. Well, if you’re feeling guilty, it’s because you’re more committed to change than you initially thought. So, take a few moments and congratulate yourself on having this emotion. But after you’ve experienced the emotion of guilt and identified what you did wrong, then you need to let go of guilt. Otherwise, guilt will perpetuate the same problem behaviours you were trying to change in the first place.
Summary
When you’re trying to change something in yourself, you’re unlikely to succeed the first time around. But if you’ve been preparing and planning, there is a strong likelihood that you’ll make significant progress with each attempt at change.
The question, then, isn’t about whether or not you’ll relapse. The question is, what are you going to do about it? If you get up after a relapse, you’re demonstrating a commitment to change.
Relapse doesn’t predict failure. Inactivity does.
Do your best to get up, dust yourself off, and continue down the road you’ve started. Success is closer than you think.
That’s what this week’s video is all about.
Richard