By the time this post gets released, it will have been around two weeks since the last school shooting in Texas, and about three weeks since a racist mass shooting in Buffalo.
Regardless of where or how often these kinds of tragedies occur, the reality is that no community is immune from random acts of violence. And whenever such events happen, the impact they have on both parents’ and children’s mental health is real and immediate.
Here are three things you can do for your children, other adults, and yourself when random acts of violence occur.
Dealing with Mass Shootings and Random Violence
1. Keep the conversation going. Whenever I get stressed, I often talk it out with others – a good friend, a colleague, my wife, or a therapist. Talking it out helps me clarify what I’m thinking and feeling, and it also has a cathartic effect: I feel as though I’m unburdening myself of the stress.
If I, an adult, take great comfort in talking it out, you can be sure children get the same kind of comfort. Perhaps even more so.
With children and adolescents, the objective is to be available. Be open and available to listen to their concerns, fears, and questions. Don’t worry about not having the answers. No one does. Just make yourself present and available. Having an opportunity to speak about what troubles us can help lessen the load and reduce the stress one feels.
2. As best you can be a steady ship. You are human, and you will also feel triggered and traumatized by what you hear and see. However, remember that your children are looking to you for support and strength.
Deep down, you might be feeling more anxious and uncertain than they are, but do your best to manage those emotions. Of course, you can be open with your children about your feelings (“Daddy feels worried and afraid right now”), but your children need to see you manage your worries and concerns in healthy ways.
3. Stick to routines. Recently, a storm hit most of Ontario and Quebec, causing blackouts to tens of thousands of homes. At our home, we grabbed our flashlights and made the most of the evening. We tried to make things as normal as possible.
Having rituals and routines provides you, especially children, with a sense of security and safety. When something tragic and random happens, it’s reassuring to know that there are still many predictable and foreseeable things. Routine provides that.
Summary
When you’re bothered by things happening around you, talk to someone. Or, be the ear for someone who needs to talk, especially when it’s a child. Don’t worry about not having the answers. It’s the act of speaking that matters most.
Secondly, focus on being a steady and calm presence. It will inspire others to do the same.
Finally, stick to your routines and rituals regardless of how sidetracked you feel. Sticking to your routine helps you process the randomness of life; it reminds you that many things are still predictable.
Richard
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