Death is a part of life.
And no matter how prepared you are for someone’s death, you are never ready for it. All the best laid out funeral plans can never prepare you for the emotion of losing a loved one.
Before her death, Queen Elizabeth II had approved of all the ceremonies and rituals we saw on television. Everything from the moment she died to her final resting place was planned out in intricate detail.
Observations and Lessons from the Queen’s Death
Regardless of your experiences with grief and loss, I made a few observations during Queen Elizabeth’s funeral that are common and necessary for everyone dealing with grief.
1. Make time for ritual.
Rituals help us to process the ending of someone’s life. It offers some form of closure. It also provides an opportunity to say goodbye symbolically. Rituals are as unique as the person who passed. Therefore, you have the right to create your ritual – whether in public or private – as your way of coping with someone’s death.
2. Connect with those who understand.
Tens of thousands of people lined up (some for 24-hours or more) to pay their respects to Queen Elizabeth and her family. Of course, attendance was optional. But those who were there could connect with others who felt the same way. When coping with someone’s death, remind yourself that you have the right to communicate with those who understand your pain. You don’t have to spend time with anyone who doesn’t understand.
3. Take time to grieve.
Our prime minister created a national day of mourning in Canada, giving some federal employees a day off. Similarly, many political leaders worldwide felt it was important for their citizens to have an opportunity to grieve and mourn. In the same way, you have a right to take time to grieve someone’s loss, however long or short that might be.
4. Being OK with uncertainty.
After the Queen’s funeral, many headlines asked, “What happens next for the royal family?” These articles and news stories were essentially getting to the same point: no one knows what exactly happens to those who are left behind. Nor do we know exactly what happens when someone dies. When someone dies, the surviving members are left picking up the pieces. As a result, life can seem overwhelming and uncertain to them. But it’s important to remember that this uncertainty is part of the process. It’s about taking it one day at a time, one minute at a time, and accepting that it’s OK to be unsure of what happens next.
5. Get back to routine.
As I mentioned in #4 above, the days, weeks, and months after someone’s passing can be filled with uncertainty. But if you get back into your typical routine, the uncertainty can be diminished. Routines allow us to have more structure and predictability in our life when things seem uncertain and unpredictable.
Summary
While there is no one proper way to grieve, there are steps you can take to manage your feelings. I hope some of these tips help you with this process.
Richard
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