In my last few posts, I discussed how a person could overcome feelings of loneliness by building a sense of connection and belonging.
In today’s post, I wanted to share what it’s been like for me to connect with my clients through video therapy and my resulting belief that connections can occur in any medium.
Building Connections Through Any Medium
Abraham Maslow was one of the first psychologists to argue that a sense of connection and belonging is a fundamental human need. He believed that after meeting your basic needs of food, shelter, and safety, a person needs to feel connected to others before fully realizing their potential and becoming self-actualized.
After the last two years, what’s been surprising to me is the level of connection I’ve built with people over the screen, sometimes just as profoundly as working with clients in person.
Granted, this is just how I experience it. I realize that many people would feel otherwise. Still, it’s been a pleasant surprise to hear how some therapists, clients, and other professionals have had positive experiences building relationships via a computer screen.
Connecting with the Person
I’ve been reflecting on what happens within a virtual session that allows a therapeutic connection to take shape.
In my opinion, the techniques which allow clients and therapists to connect on an emotional, supportive basis through a computer screen are identical to what happens in an office setting.
Furthermore, these same techniques can help strengthen a sense of connection in all relationships. Here are three methods that come to mind.
1. Listening intently with curiosity.
One of the qualities I have that has helped me tremendously in counselling is that I’m genuinely curious and interested in people’s lives. Meeting someone for the first time and then listening to their life stories is truly fascinating for me. Stay curious about what the other person is telling you to foster a sense of connection in new and existing relationships. Listen with your mind and heart.
2. Mentally summarize and reflect on what you’re hearing.
I have the privilege of hearing deeply personal experiences that some of my clients have never shared with anyone else. Listening to their experiences, summarizing their stories, and reflecting it back to them benefits both of us. It makes the other person feel heard.
3. Try to connect with their emotions.
This is what empathy is all about—putting yourself in the other person’s shoes. When I can imagine what the other person is feeling at that moment, or when I can imagine what it felt like when the experience happened to them, I feel more connected with the client and they feel more understood. Practicing empathy requires effort, but it quickly strengthens any relationship.
Summary
We all crave connection and belonging, but with the pandemic, feelings of isolation and loneliness made it difficult for all of us to fulfill these needs.
Connection is connection.
Whether you are trying to connect with someone over the phone, a video screen, or in person, so long as there is someone on the other end who is sincere, compassionate, fully present and listening with their entire heart and soul, deep connection and belonging can quickly be established.
Connections can happen anywhere in any way. I hope this post reminds you of that.
Richard
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