During this time of year, it’s common to feel some tension or stress related to the Holidays.
Sometimes the stress has to do with the anticipation of high credit card bills or the stress of trying to find (and afford) the right gifts for the people you care about.
For many people. the stress surrounding the Holiday season revolves around the challenges of dealing with difficult family members.
Participating Instead of Avoiding
It’s easy to avoid dealing with family members and skip or cancel some special dinners or holiday events because you know certain individuals will be there.
But it’s important to remind yourself that every time you refuse to go to an event because of the presence of another person, then it gives that other person control over you. So, for example, if you won’t attend a party or function because ‘x’ will be there, then ‘x’ gets to do what they want while you have to make alternative arrangements.
Also, if you keep avoiding certain places or events because you fear running into a particular person, you will never get the chance to develop the coping skills necessary for managing anxiety.
In essence, if you want to improve your ability to manage stress, you must expose yourself to stressful situations now and then.
Strategies for Dealing with Tense Moments
Here are a few things to help prepare you for some upcoming social functions that you might find stressful.
1. Be civil and courteous.
Remind yourself that you’re not looking to be best friends with the individual(s) that you find annoying or difficult. Instead, you only need to be civil and polite. Often, being polite and courteous can go a long way to diffusing tense moments. Additionally, when you work on being civil, you demonstrate what it means to be mature and levelheaded – qualities that go a long way to improving any relationship.
2. Avoid magnification and jumping to conclusions.
When we think of an upcoming event and start feeling nervous about what might happen during that event, I often find it’s because we are jumping to conclusions about what might happen or we magnify comments and gestures into something much bigger than what they are.
One strategy is to examine how you think an interaction with this person or these people will unfold. If you imagine the worst-case scenario (whatever that might be for you), ask yourself the following question, “How likely is it that this will happen? What are some other more likely outcomes?”
By asking yourself questions based on logic rather than emotion, you are more likely to feel calmer and more prepared for any family gathering or social event. It’s also another way to balance the Mind domain of your Promise Wheel.
3. Plan ahead. So, let’s say that the worst-case scenario is what you believe is most likely to unfold. What can you do to diffuse or manage the situation? How can you prepare yourself for those circumstances? Planning and thinking of different responses or solutions to uncomfortable social interactions increase the chances of a more positive outcome.
Summary
No family is perfect, and we all have our share of difficult situations and moments with people we care about. But realize that you’ve been through difficulties and awkward conversations before. What did you learn from those times that you could do differently now?
In the end, whatever event you attend that makes you feel uncomfortable, remind yourself that it’s just for a few hours. Don’t let those few hours ruin the entire Holiday season.
Richard
If you enjoyed this post, then pick up my new book, The Promise Wheel: Psychology For Growth and a Balanced Life. I provide dozens of strategies and insights on how to improve your health, relationships, and career so that you can achieve personal balance, feel less stressed, and have fun again.