“Love and work. Work and love…that’s all there is.” – Sigmund Freud
Sigmund Freud was once asked what defined a psychologically healthy person.
His answer? “To love and work.” Freud believed that if a person can work and love – to be able to hold down a job and maintain healthy relationships with people – then they are, generally speaking, psychologically healthy.
His definition of psychological health might seem overly simplistic. But when you look at it more deeply, his definition hits the nail on the head. In my opinion, his quote reflects the qualities of all psychologically healthy people.
“Work and Love” is About Being Honest, Trustworthy, and Kind
In my post on the five qualities of high-quality relationships, the fourth factor I mention is the importance of trustworthiness and honesty.
When you think of the people you care about, they are likely people who are trustworthy, reliable, kind, and honest.
And in the same way, people valued in the workplace also display these characteristics.
Just think of the following question: What makes a good worker?
Is it someone who’s a team player? Someone who is organized? Takes the initiative? Yes, these are all essential traits in an employee.
But when I think of the people that I’ve worked with across the many jobs in my life – from my time as a line cook at Burger King, a produce clerk in a grocery store, all the way to my role as a program coordinator, and now as a psychologist – the qualities that my employers seemed to value in me, and the qualities that I loved in my employees was trustworthiness, honesty, and kindness, to name a few.
Relationships at Work Can Mirror Relationships at Home
When I reflect on the co-workers and managers that I enjoyed working with, they were often people that I felt comfortable and safe around. They were people whom I respected and trusted.
Think of what these qualities can do to a relationship. To have a healthy, fulfilling, low-stress relationship, you need to be able to trust the other person with your emotions and thoughts. You also need to trust that they’ll be there for you when you need them.
Trust is also a valuable quality in an employee. Regardless of your industry, you know how important it is to get along with your co-workers and managers. You need a dependable, honest, trustworthy, kind, supportive co-worker who can display good boundaries.
If you can display these qualities, not only will you have good relationships with the people at work, but you’ll also have good relationships with the people outside of work. And when you can do this, you display qualities that reflect psychological health.
You Need to Have Good Relationships for a Long Life
There are days when you don’t feel like going to work. And similarly, there are days when you don’t want to engage with anyone – you want to be left alone. But if you can ‘show up’ to the workplace and do your best, you’ll be able to do the same in your relationships.
I realize that when our workplace is stressful, our mental health suffers. And when your mental health is suffering, chances are your relationships are also suffering.
Spend time looking at what needs to change at work, or conversely, reflect on what needs to change in your relationships. Once you improve in one area, you’ll automatically improve the other area of your life.