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What to do When You’re in Denial

by | Jan 12, 2022 | Counselling and Psychotherapy, Mental Health, Mind-Body Health, Psychology

(Click here to see a video summary of this post.)

As I mentioned in my last post, change doesn’t happen overnight, nor does it happen after just one attempt.

A person goes through different stages when attempting to change something in themselves, and even after going through these stages, they’ll likely need to go over them again.

Once, twice, three…six, or even seven times.

But what if you’re in a state of denial and don’t believe there’s anything worth changing?

Precontemplation: When a person is in denial

 

Whenever we want to change a behaviour, we first need to become aware of it. But not everyone is willing to take an honest look at themselves and admit that something needs to change.

Sometimes, a person who lacks the awareness to make changes in themselves or their life might be oblivious that there’s anything wrong. It’s also an indication that this person is in a state of denial.

Precontemplation is the name of the first stage of change. And as the name suggests, when a person is in a pre-contemplative stage, they’re not even thinking about change. They’re in complete denial and have very little insight or awareness of how their actions are hurting themselves and others.

Here are a few examples of how someone might think or speak in precontemplation.

  • “I don’t have a problem with drinking. I have a problem functioning with alcohol in my system.”
  • “I don’t need to watch my food intake. These doctors have no idea what they’re talking about. I’m naturally big-boned and naturally overweight.”
  • “I don’t need a parenting class. It’s my children who have the problem. They’re disobedient and never listen.

Strategy for Dealing with Denial 

Whether you or a person you care about who needs to change something in themselves, you can first develop discrepancies to help them increase awareness of their problem behaviour.

Developing discrepancy is about recognizing the gap between how you want your life to be like and the way you’re living your life at the moment. It’s about identifying your core values – what’s important to you – and then asking yourself how your current behaviours are either inline or directly opposed to your values.

You can start to develop discrepancy by giving voice to your thoughts.
Giving voice to our thoughts can be a transformative experience because when you begin to talk about change, you start thinking about change.
When we begin to talk about how things are versus how we want them to be, we can recognize that something needs changing.

Applying this to your life

 

One way to begin developing discrepancy and to start the process of change is to ask yourself some of the following questions:

  • What might happen to me if I continue to live this way?
  • Think of the people that are important to you. Now think about how your current actions and day-to-day behaviours are impacting them.
  • Think of what you would like to see in your life in 10-years. Are your current behaviours and choices moving you towards those 10-year goals, or are they pushing you further apart?
Remember, the goal of developing discrepancy is to start thinking about change. Once you begin contemplating change, then you enter the contemplation stage — and that’s what I’ll be talking about in my next post.

 

I hope this tip helps with your growth and change.

Richard