“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.”— Buddha
Now and then, I think back to things I said and did many years ago. Sometimes, my words caused pain, and other times, it was my actions.
Today, if a client comes to my office struggling with dealing with things from their past, I can listen attentively and often offer some words of comfort.
The irony is that I hesitate to or choose not to offer myself the same words of comfort.
Why do we do this? Why is it so much easier to speak kindly and warmly to others when they feel down and out but find it hard to talk to ourselves similarly?
That’s what self-compassion is all about.
Self-compassion is about speaking to yourself in the same kind and supportive way you would talk to a friend.
How Mindfulness and Self-Compassion Nurture Each Other
I’ve written about self-compassion, but the interview with Veronica Lowe offered a more in-depth discussion. [
Self-compassion is about being kind to yourself. It’s about saying things to yourself that reflect understanding, kindness, and warmth. Simply put, self-compassion is about telling yourself the same things you would likely say to a friend or loved one struggling with emotional pain.
The other point that stood out in the interview with Veronica Lowe is the importance of mindfulness when practicing self-compassion.
Mindfulness is recognizing what you’re feeling and noticing at a particular moment. It’s about paying attention to what you’re experiencing internally.
Are you feeling afraid? If so, what are you noticing in your body? Are you shaking? Is your heart beating quickly? These questions can help you be mindful of what’s happening in the present moment.
When you practice mindfulness, you are setting yourself up to be more self-compassionate because you notice what you are and are not saying to yourself.
You are noticing whether or not your internal dialogue is helping you to feel better about yourself or making you feel worse.
Self-Compassion is A Cure for Guilt and Shame
If I had a client who came to my office to discuss something they did which made them feel guilty or remorseful, I would listen attentively, empathize with them, show warmth and understanding, and be non-judgmental.
Yet, I often forget to do the same thing to myself.
It’s strange how we find the right things to say to someone in need but fail to say the same things to ourselves when in need.
Self-compassion requires effort. It’s a skill; you need to practice it like all skills. But if you put in the effort and practice compassion toward others, make sure you spend the same amount of energy practicing it on yourself.
You are worth it. You deserve the gift of self-compassion.
Richard