Although my day-to-day thoughts and feelings continue to be strongly influenced by the war in Ukraine, I do find myself getting better at accepting them.
The ideas I’m using to help me in this regard come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT).
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
The most popular framework or therapy that guides most psychological interventions today is cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT).
Essentially, CBT states that if you want to change the way you feel, you need to either change the way you think or behave.
But what if you don’t believe there’s anything wrong with your thoughts or feelings? What if the tightness in your chest, discomfort in your stomach, or the worried thoughts dominating your mind are justified and rational? What if your thoughts and feelings are normal to you?
ACT essentially states that you don’t have to focus on changing anything about your thoughts and feelings. Your feelings and thoughts are precisely what they should be at this moment in your life.
So, rather than changing your thoughts and feelings, accept them for what they are: normal reactions to what is happening around you.
Then, once you accept that your thoughts and feelings are normal reactions, you can proceed to the second part of ACT: commit to moving forward with your life according to your values.
Applying ACT to Your Life
Here are a couple of ways for applying the principles of acceptance and commitment therapy to your daily life, especially during difficult times.
1. Accept that what you are feeling is normal and natural. For example, if you are feeling nervous, anxious, or worried, accept that those emotions are your natural reactions. Don’t waste your energy trying to change them. Instead, accept them for what they are: sensations in your body and thoughts in your mind. There is nothing wrong with you for feeling or thinking the way you are in this moment.
2. Choose to commit to living according to your values. After accepting that your thoughts and feelings are normal responses to what is happening around you, decide how much you will let these thoughts and feelings control your life. That is, you can continue on the path you are on, being manipulated by your worries, fears, and issues. Or, you can move towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life that is defined by your values, goals, and dreams.
Summary
Over the last week, I’ve found myself being short and irritable toward the people I love most, my wife and kids. These feelings of irritability were due to my preoccupation with what was happening in Ukraine and coming to grips with the reality that I cannot change the outcome of the war.
But when I remind myself that my worries and thoughts are normal human responses, I find them easier to accept. And the more I practice acceptance, the easier it is for me to commit to being a better, healthier, more balanced person.
I hope this post helps you to do the same.
Richard