I’ve always considered myself an optimist – I look at the glass as half full.
But like everyone else, I go through periods where I lose confidence, feel stressed and anxious, and start doubting myself…and the glass seems empty again.
During those low periods, I need to challenge my thinking and use some of the principles of positive psychology.
Learned optimism
Martin Seligman, the creator of the learned helplessness experiments, became the founder of positive psychology.
The essence of positive psychology is to help a person focus on how to build more positive things in life rather than focusing on repairing the negative things.
In his book, Learned Optimism, Seligman identifies three types of distorted thoughts that lead to negative thinking.
Below, I list these three distorted ways of looking at things and share a couple of questions you can ask yourself to challenge these thoughts.
The 3 P’s of Learned Helplessness
1. Personalization – This distorted way of thinking occurs whenever we take things personally without considering all other possibilities. For example, your partner comes home after a long day’s work and seems to be in a bad mood. Personalization is when you immediately think that you’re the cause of their bad mood. (What did I do this time?! I must have done something to upset her!)
Solution: Ask yourself all the possible reasons why someone might be responding or feeling the way they are or why a situation has unfolded the way it has. Most of the time, it has nothing to do with you. My wife often reminds me: “Richard, it’s not always about you!”
2. Pervasiveness – Seligman argues that whenever something negative happens in one area of a person’s life, pessimists will perceive it as impacting many parts of their life. E.g., you experience a relationship break-up, and then you tell yourself that your whole world is falling apart. My partner left me. Now, I won’t be able to sleep, work, or find the energy to take care of myself.
Solution: Make a list of all the good things in your life. If you firmly believe that one adverse event will permeate the other areas of your life, then you need to acknowledge that a positive event can do the same.
3. Permanence. With this distorted thought, a person believes that what is happening to them at this moment will be permanent. Pessimists view adverse events as being permanent rather than temporary.
Solution: Remember that situations and circumstances are not fixed or unchangeable. Thinking of your heroes and role models proves you can persevere through adversity. As Robert Schuller once said, “Tough times never last, but tough people do.”
Summary
Many things happen in our lives that lead us to feel a bit helpless. Whether it’s because of an event that was within your control or something entirely outside your control, helplessness is a feeling we all will experience.
By challenging your thinking – by looking at all sides of a situation – you can teach yourself to be more optimistic and minimize feelings of helplessness.
Self-improvement and mental wellness aren’t just about minimizing the number of negative feelings you have. You also need to challenge your negative thinking and work on looking at things in a more balanced and hopeful way.
Richard
If you enjoyed this post, then pick up my new book, The Promise Wheel: Psychology For Growth and a Balanced Life. I provide dozens of strategies and insights on how to improve your health, relationships, and career so that you can achieve personal balance, feel less stressed, and have fun again.