This past week on September 30th, Canadians marked the second annual National Day for Truth and Reconciliation.
The day is also informally known as Orange Shirt Day, where people wear orange shirts to remind themselves of the tragedies and suffering that happened to Indigenous Canadian children and their families due to the residential school system.
As I prepared this post, I was reminiscing about the great memories and relationships I formed while working on Tsuut’ina Nation, a First Nations community that borders Calgary, Alberta.
I also reflected on how little I knew then about their culture and the residential school system’s impact on the mental health of the children, parents, and communities.
The Parents of Residential School Students
Imagine the following scenario. You’re a first-time parent, perhaps in your late teens or early 20’s. You spend the first few years bonding and connecting with your child, nurturing her growth, teaching her how to speak your language, and introducing her to some of the customs and traditions you grew up with.
Then, at around age 6, just as she’s old enough to attend school, a government agent walks into your home and takes your child away from you. She then attends a school where she is forbidden to speak the language you taught her and is shamed for the cultural traditions she learned.
What I often think about, apart from the students’ experiences, is what it must have been like for the parents of these children.
Agony, fear, and guilt are just a few emotions that come to mind. But the intensity of these emotions felt by these parents is beyond my comprehension.
Attachment and Healthy Development
Literature on the importance of attachment for healthy development is robust. Simply put, all humans (and animals) need to feel a strong connection and attachment with someone in a caregiving role.
But just as a child benefits from this connection, so does the parent. Imagine, then, if you, as a parent, are denied the opportunity to bond and attach to your child because she is taken away against your will. It would be traumatic.
Then, many years later, your traumatized child returns home to a traumatized parent.
These experiences were repeated in remote communities long before our parents or grandparents ever came to this country. And these experiences continue to impact Indigenous families and communities to this day.
Summary
It’s difficult to fully comprehend the pain that Indigenous parents went through. They suffered not only when their children were sent off to school but also when they returned.
We can try to understand what it must have been like for the parents and the children, and putting ourselves in their shoes can help us to build empathy – a foundational quality that helps build relationships.
We all need to accept that cultural genocide happened in Canada. And if we reflect on their stories and accept them as truth, we can move toward reconciliation and healing.
I hope this post gives you another perspective on residential schools and increases your awareness of what happened to Canada’s first peoples.
Richard
If you enjoyed this post, then pick up my new book, The Promise Wheel: Psychology For Growth and a Balanced Life. I provide dozens of strategies and insights on how to improve your health, relationships, and career so that you can achieve personal balance, feel less stressed, and have fun again.