I enjoyed seeing my kids dress up for Halloween this year. Then, as I walked them to school on the morning of October 31st, it was also fun to see all the other children arrive as superheroes, princesses, witches, and cartoon characters.
It also got me thinking about the concept of “masks” and costumes and how we sometimes wear different masks for different people and situations.
We all Wear Masks from Time to Time
An activity I used to do with adolescents was to design a mask that represented how the adolescent looked to others, as opposed to how they felt on the inside. It was always an insightful exercise as it allowed me to hear what some young people were thinking and feeling whenever they “put on a mask.”
But although the activity was geared toward working with young people, I often work on similar issues with my adult clients.
The truth is, every person – you, me, and the person next to us – will often have to wear a mask from time to time. (And I’m not talking about COVID face masks….though, wearing a COVID mask can be liberating for some people.)
I’m referring to the masks you and I have to put on whenever we can’t be ourselves, when we have to act differently than what we truly feel. When we have to “play the part.”
It happens more often than you think.
- You don’t want to be at that staff meeting, but you know you have to. So, you put on a mask and pretend like you’re interested in what’s being discussed.
- When you have to work at a job that involves dealing with angry customers, pretend you’re sorry for what they’re going through, even though you secretly don’t care.
- You’re struggling in your marriage, but you give the impression to others that everything is fine and you couldn’t be happier.
- When you have to deliver a presentation and pretend like you’re confident and self-assured, even though deep down you’re a nervous wreck.
These are all examples of masks you might wear to help overcome difficult moments and uncomfortable feelings. But it also illustrates how masks can sometimes be a defense mechanism: they protect us from allowing others to see what we’re truly feeling.
Masks can Limit Authenticity
Having to wear a mask might help you to push through a challenging moment, but it can also be exhausting. When you wear a mask, you exert a lot of effort trying to be someone you’re not, and it moves you away from what you’re genuinely feeling.
But taking off your mask and allowing others to see who you are — what you’re honestly thinking and feeling – can deepen your relationships and remind others that no one is perfect and happy all of the time.
Taking off your mask can make you feel vulnerable. But it can also make you more authentic and genuine to those you love.
Richard
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