Last week, I wrote about financial grief – the feelings of loss and grief one experiences after losing much of their finances.
It also got me thinking about the different types of losses that can cause a person to grieve, especially as it relates to their day-to-day functioning.
Saying Goodbye to an Ability
One type of loss I’ve been thinking about is the loss of physical or mental ability. That is, coming to terms with the fact that one might not be able to mentally or physically do the things they used to do due to an illness, old age, or an unexpected event.
Years ago, I read Tuesdays with Morrie by Mitch Albom. The story is about a writer (Mitch Albom) who visited his former sociology teacher, Morrie Schwartz, as Schwartz battled Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (ALS) – a rapidly progressive disease that destroys the brain’s nerve cells and spinal cord.
Every Tuesday, for about four months, Albom would visit Schwartz and record some of the life lessons and teachings he learned from his friend as he battled ALS.
One particular Tuesday, Albom visited Shwartz and found him sitting on his bed looking at his legs. When Albom asked what he was doing, Schwartz said he was saying goodbye to his legs.
Over the previous week, Schwartz had begun to lose feeling in his lower body and could no longer move them on his own. So, Schwartz created a bit of a ritual where he said goodbye to his legs and the ability they used to afford him.
I think of Schwartz’s example as a form of grieving because losing the ability to do something you used to do triggers feelings and thoughts associated with grief.
Keep Moving Forward
When grieving a loss – whether it’s the loss of an ability or the loss of something external to us (e.g., a loved one, relationship, or job) – it’s essential to process the feelings and thoughts you have associated with that loss.
But after you work through those emotions, you must move forward. As painful as the loss might be, healing requires you to move forward with life. Yes, it may take some time to mourn the loss, but life will still go on for you and others, regardless of your loss.
And it is up to you to decide how you will respond.
In this regard, here is one thing you can do:
Find any reason to move forward with life.
In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl, a survivor of three different concentration camps, discusses the importance of finding meaning in suffering. He argues that a human’s deepest desire is to find meaning in their life; once they find meaning, they can survive anything.
Summary
Nietzsche once said, “He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how.”
While you have no control over what happened to you, you do have control over how you will respond. Therefore, respond by reminding yourself of the abilities you still have and the things you can do rather than spending time thinking about what you cannot do and do not have.
I hope this post helps you reflect on the meaning behind some of your suffering and inspires you to respond by moving forward with life.
Richard
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