In last week’s post, I wrote about how the Holiday season can be stressful for people because they might find themselves sharing a dinner with an individual(s) who can sometimes get under their skin.
So, for this post, I want to talk a little bit more about relationships in general and how a few changes in the way you think can make your anxiety around people more manageable.
How Distorted Thinking Affects Our Social Interactions
Here are a few of the most common thought distortions or biased ways in which we interpret the actions of others and how becoming aware of these distortions can lessen the stress you feel.
1. All-or-nothing thinking.
This distortion happens when we see things in extreme or absolute terms. In the case of our relationships, this distortion occurs when we sometimes see people as being either all good or all bad. As a result, we quickly judge someone negatively when they say or do something that we disapprove of rather than viewing their mistakes as part of the entire person.
As an alternative, try to acknowledge that all people are flawed – that we all have some good and some annoying qualities. Avoid judging someone simply because they aren’t perfect every time you see them.
2. Mental filtering.
With this thought distortion, you are more likely to focus on the negative aspects of something while ignoring all the positives.
For example, in the case of a social encounter with someone you’re not particularly fond of, you might remember or focus on all of the negative or stressful meetings you had with this person while ignoring all the positive or neutral encounters you had with them.
So, if you find yourself dwelling on all of the negative or annoying aspects of someone, push yourself to also think about some of the good or neutral encounters you’ve had with that person. Doing so will help you to approach your interactions with a balanced mind.
3. Mind reading.
When a person engages in Mind Reading, they believe they can intuitively know what someone else is thinking – that they magically know what is in someone else’s mind without ever speaking to the other person.
Imagine, for example, you made eye contact with someone, and the other person looked away. Suddenly you tell yourself, “I bet ‘x’ is thinking I’m an idiot. He’s probably thinking about that stupid thing I did at work.”
While you and I can read another person’s body language or verbal cues, telepathy (communicating with someone through their mind without saying anything) is extremely rare. So, avoid making assumptions about what you think someone else is trying to tell you simply by how they look at you.
I also recorded a video on another common thought distortion: jumping to conclusions.
Putting it into Practice
When you attend a function this Holiday (or any time of the year, for that matter), be open to experiencing positive interactions with people you find difficult. At the same time, reflect on whether or not you might be engaging in some distorted way of interpreting your situation.
Anyone can get triggered by someone else’s comments or gestures. But if you’re reluctant to attend a social event because of what someone else might say, you can manage your feelings by becoming aware of any thought distortions.
Richard