When you read this post, I will have just facilitated Week 1 of my Teens With Promise psychotherapy group. The group aims to teach young people skills and strategies for living a more balanced life – the techniques I discuss in my book.
But what will make the group a positive experience is the relationships that participants will have with each other.
In other words, what participants get out of group therapy is not so much what they learn from the facilitator. Instead, what makes group therapy (and all forms of therapy, for that matter) a memorable event is the therapeutic relationship formed with the therapist and others in the group.
Relationships are an integral part of living a balanced life. And when you can form a connection with someone, whether it’s a therapist, a friend, or the barista at your favourite coffee shop, the feelings you experience from developing that relationship can make you feel happier.
It can even make you live longer.
Relationships Are Key to a Happier Life
Since 1938, researchers at Harvard have been conducting one of the most extended studies on human development. The authors started with 724 participants. These participants ranged from various social classes. Some were from disadvantaged and troubled families in Boston, and other participants were undergraduate males from Harvard University.
The researchers continued to follow these participants, and their descendants, for the next several decades. By the end of the study, researchers had amassed data from over 1,300 people. The offspring of these original participants are now in their 50’s and 60’s.
After analyzing the data, perhaps the most significant finding that Robert Waldinger and his co-author Marc Shulz discovered is that our positive relationships make us live happier, longer lives.
Dr. Robert Waldinger has a popular TED talk on the findings of this study. You can find it here. The following quote comes from his talk.
“When we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn’t their middle-age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80.”
It’s about Quality, not Quantity
One of the concerns I heard from many of my clients during the pandemic, both young and old, was the lack of in-person contact with friends and loved ones.
But research by Drs. Waldinger and Shulz point out that it’s not about the number of people you have in your life, nor is it about seeing these people regularly. Instead, it’s about the quality of your relationships, and more importantly, it’s the feeling you get from having supportive people in your life.
Physical activity, meaningful hobbies, and balanced thinking are all critical domains of a balanced life. But if you can engage in these activities with people you care about, you’re taking a more significant step toward a happier, longer life.
Richard