There’s no doubt that relationships help us to live more balanced lives. And as the longest study on adult development identified, healthy relationships, or good quality relationships, also contribute to a happier and longer life.
But what makes up a good relationship with a friend, relative, colleague, or romantic partner?
Here are a few things that I’ve noticed are present in all high-quality relationships.
Qualities of Good Relationships
1. Quality relationships involve openness.
You can have someone in your life that you feel connected to, but if they don’t know what you’re thinking or feeling – if they only hear what you’re saying on the surface – then it’s hard for them to feel connected to you. Talking about how you’re feeling and what you’re thinking helps to strengthen the connection between people.
2. Healthy relationships have boundaries.
There are things you would do for someone you care about that you wouldn’t do for an acquaintance. For example, if someone you care deeply about is distressed, you might drop what you’re doing to help them.
But you wouldn’t respond this way to someone you barely knew. When you practice and implement healthy boundaries, you let the other person know what you will tolerate and won’t. Doing so helps to define the kind of relationship you want to have with someone, and healthy relationships have clear boundaries.
3. Healthy relationships require empathy.
Empathy is about putting yourself in another person’s shoes. It’s about trying to imagine what the other person might be feeling. For example, if my friend tells me that he just lost his job, being empathetic means I would put myself in his shoes and try to understand what it might be like for him. Being able to listen to someone and empathize with their experience is a sign that you are building a quality relationship.
4. Healthy relationships require you to be honest and trustworthy.
To nurture and maintain a healthy relationship, you need to be able to trust those you care about. Now, trust isn’t an all-or-nothing construct. There are shades and degrees of trust.
For example, if one of your best friends is early in their recovery from an addiction, you might not be able to leave them alone in front of a liquor cabinet. But, you might be able to trust them with personal information over coffee. Your ability to trust someone can determine how close you feel toward them, and healthy relationships have a high level of trust.
5. Healthy relationships require forgiveness and tolerance.
No one is perfect, and everyone makes mistakes. In our relationships, we often say or do things we regret later.
One of the ingredients I find in healthy, long-lasting relationships is that a person can forgive the other for something they’ve done – and the person seeking forgiveness appreciates the effort that the other is taking in forgiving them.
All Relationships Require Effort
All these qualities I mentioned above are present in healthy relationships. And they are also qualities that require effort.
When you work to be the best person you can be, you are opening yourself up to developing healthy relationships. And when you put in the effort to be the best person you can be, your relationships will be the best they have ever been.
Richard